Just a Reminder

It’s June 23, 2021. I’m writing this from the passenger seat of my car as my husband drives from our Kentucky home towards Maryland. His whole family lives there. We don’t visit as often as we like or even as often as we should. We are a “paycheck to paycheck” sort of family. We save up days off and try to set aside funds for a small getaway in the summer to drive back and visit the cousins and brothers and nieces and nephews.

But, like life in general, something always seems to come up. A major appliance needs replaced, the car breaks down, or something else happens that requires the extra funds that we had managed to set aside for a visit. I think it’s harder on my husband because he had always lived near his family unit. I moved away from my family at a young age and am used to only an occasional visit. But he gets melancholy if we go for too long without visiting his family. This year we were looking forward to visiting in July. But once again, something came up. We had already resigned ourselves to not going back this summer and try to go for Thanksgiving if we could build our travel funds back up.

Then the universe claimed the life of our 26-year-old nephew in a car accident. Our hearts broke and we immediately wanted to be with the family to embrace them in the loss. To share hugs with those who shared our grief. We made the plans to go the following week for the memorial service. It’s puzzling to me that people, in general, take it for granted that we will have a chance to see our loved ones again. I guess it makes it easier to live our lives without fear by not dwelling on it. But I just can’t help but feel it’s odd that we were sure we didn’t have enough money to go for a reunion-type visit yet we did not hesitate to make it happen for a funeral. I have a feeling we are not in the minority on this and it’s a little sad.

Why do we make it to funerals but not to family reunions? Maybe they should be called pre-funeral reunions? No, that sounds like someone is terminally ill. But still, the idea should be promoted. I remember an episode of Little House on the Prairie in which an elderly woman sent telegrams to her family members announcing her death. They all arrived for her funeral to find her alive. She just wanted to see them before she died and knew they wouldn’t have come otherwise. I still carry the memory of the last phone conversation I had with my best friend’s mom. “Come and see me before I die”, she said. “I will.” Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to see her before she died from a heart attack two years later. She is a frequent visitor in my dreams so I am guessing she forgives me.

My point of this post isn’t sadness for the lost. I believe their spirit immediately becomes accessible to commune with and so I normally feel the miles that had been separating us fade away and they reside in my heart. But we should try to remember that life is something that can be snuffed instantly and so when you have a chance to see someone you love, take it. When you get an invitation to a reunion, don’t put it off another year.

I wanted to add that the memorial was full of beautiful thoughts, love, and hugs for our nephew CJ and family. One unexpected incident; while the family was sitting in the backyard at my brother and sister-in-law’s house, four people walked behind the property taking a walk. My brother-in-law went to inquire what they were doing. It turned out it was CJ’s best friend from childhood with his siblings. They had lived in the neighborhood almost 20 years prior before moving out of state. They had returned on this day to distribute their mothers’ ashes in the nearby bay and wanted to reminisce in the old neighborhood. They had no idea we had just lost CJ. Was it coincidence or serendipity? Although the loss of a young man had broken our hearts, to see these friends show up at this time on this day brought a sense of wonder and comfort. They left with our hugs and blessings.